Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Ruff.

Today was a rough day. I had a rest day on Sunday, which meant I didn't need to exercise and I could eat something I was craving, so I had a cookie.... then Chris and I went out to eat. I did well at dinner but of course when I checked in at Foursquare I earned a free dessert.... so, dessert it was to be!
Yesterday was a rough day and I was just depressed in general. Which means I didn't exercise, which made me feel disappointed in myself and, in turn, more depressed. I came home today and just wanted to give up all together. Somehow I managed to force myself to get up and put my sneakers on and take the dogs for a damn walk. Once I got out there, it wasn't so bad and I did feel better. I hope that is motivation enough to not give up. Man... sometimes I just want to stuff my fucking face!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Weigh and Win

   About a week ago I joined this "thing" called "Weigh and Win." http://www.weighandwin.com It is a program in Colorado that is set up to help you become active and healthier and lose weight. The more weight you lose, the more money you can earn. 
   I have been dieting since high school, and it's done nothing but make me feel horrible about myself and gain even more weight. I have recently been working towards changing my attitude towards food and exercise and being healthy in general, and have almost convinced myself that is the way to go. Which is why I felt like it was time to attempt the lifestyle change. Fitness people always say it is good to keep a journal of your progress so I thought I would give it a try. Not that sitting here typing is helping me lose weight...
   Weigh and Win has different fitness levels you can start at. While I don't feel I'm at my worst fitness wise, I decided to start at the easiest level simply because I wasn't sure how intense each level was. I walk my dogs fairly often, so walking wasn't the issue. It was the strength training that intimidated me. So far I work out every other day: one of those days is cardio and the other is strength training. They are only requiring 15 minutes out of each session so far and I feel like I've been going above and beyond by walking my dogs every day for about half an hour. The strength training I haven't done as great on because a lot of the exercises they recommend involve a resistance band and I don't have one. The website has a personal trainer you can email, so I finally did and asked about the lack of resistance band, and she told me to just do twice the amount of exercises without the resistance band. Duh.
   Another part of this plan is to watch your portions and the type of food you are eating. This hasn't been much of a struggle for me since I have basically cut sweets out of my diet; now I will just have to resist the urges that come once in a while. (I do get one day a week where I can have dessert or pizza, etc. if I wish) The only difficult part to this is they actually want you to eat 5-6 times a day, which just isn't possible for me. I work a job where I can't just take a break whenever and eat something, and when I get home, there isn't food in the house because we are pretty broke and can't afford it. I am hoping eating healthier and better portions when I CAN eat will be good enough, and I will still see results.
   I am resisting the temptation to weigh myself every day because if I don't see results right away I will get frustrated, and I am scared if I get frustrated that I will just quit. Part of Weigh and Win is you have to go to a "designated" scale, sign in with your account, and weight in. This is required every three months. So I will wait that length of time to check it out.
   When I was a kid, I was abused by someone close to me. Part of this abuse was physical, and the other was verbal. One thing said to me by abuser was that I was nothing, and that I would always be nothing. Without even realizing it, I have always believed that statement, even though part of me knew it was bullshit. I am coming to realize that believing those words, even subconsciously, is possibly the reason I never finish anything I start. College, for one example. I am very scared that I will just give up on this. I figure the more people that know about what I'm doing, the more likely I'll be to stick to it since I don't want to have to explain that I just gave up, if people ask how it's going. 
   I am hoping for the best, because I want to be a healthy ME!