when you are supposed to be doing other things...

I just needed a small break. Wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday; haven't showered in two days. Excellent! I have brushed my teeth, though. Does that count for something? I will shower today, eventually. Promise.

Some of Steve Wright's Classics:

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I was an only child, eventually.

I lost a button hole.

I got a dog and named him "Stay." Now, I go "Come here, Stay!" After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and dehumidifier. I thought I'd put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't go to anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."

I got pulled over by a cop and he said, "Do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?" So I said, "Oh, that's okay. I'm not going that far."

Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

I planted some bird seed. A bird grew. Now I don't know what to feed it.

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment?

The sign said, "Eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I love to go shopping. I love to freak out salespeople. They ask me if they can help me and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?" Then they ask me what size I need and I say, "Extra medium."

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

On the other hand, you have different fingers.