is it over yet?

    Sometimes I think life is going to be pretty good, and then something happens that just fucks the shit out of your head. I don't even want to start with everything that has happened, but basically the person I thought I trusted most in my life, well, enough to marry (which I think means I trust him a lot) just did a bunch of really, really, stupid things that has me questioning who the hell he is and the validity of our marriage.
    I wouldn't go out and marry someone just for fun. I really thought he and I got on together really well. I thought we were a good pair and would be happy together. Now I don't know if I kick him to the curb or forgive him for everything and cross my fingers that he doesn't mess up again.
    What do you do? There is no instruction manual for this kind of thing. I can't even ask another married couple what they would do because I don't think anybody has been through this kind of major hiccup. This is more like a major vomit, followed by violent dry heaves.
    I really just want to give up. I thought I found someone who really cared about me. Now I just think there is nobody out there who really cares about me. So why am I sitting around here wasting time, space, energy, and oxygen? If I'm not around there is more room for people in the world. Who really gives a rat's ass about Andrea/Andi Crosby/Rasmussen anyway? You can't marry your parents!! Who wants to, anyway?
    The thing is, I was so happy being single, too. I found some kind of inner peace and independence as well as some confidence and self-esteem, and I was happy. I dated Him because we liked each other, and I thought he was worth spending time with. Now? I have no idea.
    Do you forgive someone for fucking up this badly, even if they say they're sorry and swear they won't do it again? What could I possibly do that would even come somewhat close to what he's done and wonder if he could forgive me for it? I couldn't imagine anything as bad as what he's done. I wouldn't wish what he's done to me on my enemies, if I had any.
    I wish there was an online chat with a therapist or something. I don't have insurance and don't know if insurance would cover therapy, anyway. I need help. I need to rewind my life and start over. Maybe I should move back in with my parents and get about two dozen cats, and just live in solitary for the rest of my life. Or just end it now. People just don't do this kind of thing to good people. How do these meanies find me?