I often get told that I am "too nice." I understand that I should not allow people to push me around or walk all over me, and that I need to set boundaries and put my foot down. Where my job is concerned, I have to confront kids on things they do that are wrong, which is a struggle for me. I would rather not have to do that, though I understand it's part of the job. It causes a lot more knots in my stomach than it might the normal person, though. I think this is because of my empathic nature. I prefer there to be harmony around me. I know this is unrealistic, but harmony is still my preference.
Something else I have noticed about myself is when I do actually stand up for myself or speak up about something I feel is wrong, I instantly feel guilt or overly upset about causing a ripple in the water. Even if my opinion is not incorrect, I still feel guilty. I feel that maybe I overreacted, and I run the scenario through my head over and over again to consider what I could have done differently, to the point that I think I would have been better off to have just kept my mouth shut.
Naturally, I Googled "empath." This paragraph seems to describe what I feel exactly:
"Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly."
I am very sensitive to the emotions around me. I can pick up on somebody's mood just by body language, or the way they say hello. I have a very hard time opening up about the way I'm feeling, and when I finally do open up, if I get interrupted... I'm done talking. If the body language of the other person comes off in a negative way, I'm done talking. Sometimes expressing myself is too draining when I won't be taken seriously. It is much easier to put my feelings into writing, then if somebody wants to read, they can, and I won't have to struggle with being interrupted or mocked.
"Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously. It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding. Then again, for empaths, it is always nice to actually be heard themselves!"
The above paragraph is so true. People tend to talk to me about anything and everything, even people I barely know.
The 30 most common traits in empaths are:
1. Knowing: Empaths just know stuff, without being told. It’s a knowing that goes way beyond intuition or gut feelings, even though that is how many would describe the knowing. The more attuned they are the stronger this gift becomes. (Sometimes this applies to me, but not usually)
2. Being in public places can be overwhelming: Places like shopping malls, supermarkets or stadiums where there are lots of people around can fill the empath with turbulently vexed emotions that are coming from others. (Very much me; even a trip to Walmart can put me over the edge)
3. Feeling other's emotions and taking them on as your own: This is a huge one for empaths. To some they will feel emotions off those near by and with others they will feel emotions from those a vast distance away, or both. The more adept empath will know if someone is having bad thoughts about them, even from great distance. (I had a close friend about 10 years ago where I felt her emotions, no matter the distance; also, I had a niece I did the same for a while up through high school... that sort of faded; now it's just the near by)
4. Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable: The more attuned an empath becomes the worse it is and may make it so they eventually have to stop watching TV and reading newspapers altogether. (Depends for me; it used to be worse but I think I built up a tolerance)
5. You know when someone is not being honest: If a friend or a loved one is telling you lies you know it (although many empaths try not to focus on this because knowing a loved one is lying can be painful). Or if someone is saying one thing but feeling/thinking another, you know. (Not me; even if I know better, I block it out)
6. Picking up physical symptoms off another: An empath will almost always develop the ailments off another (colds, eye infections, body aches and pains) especially those they’re closest to, somewhat like sympathy pains. (I TOTALLY do this!!! So weird!)
7. Digestive disorders and lower back problems: The solar plexus chakra is based in the centre of the abdomen and it’s known as the seat of emotions. This is where empaths feel the incoming emotion of another, which can weaken the area and eventually lead to anything from stomach ulcers to IBS (too many other conditions to list here). Lower back problems can develop from being ungrounded (amongst other things) and one, who has no knowledge of them being an empath, will almost always be ungrounded. (Without being TMI, yes.)
8. Always looking out for the underdog: Anyone whose suffering, in emotional pain or being bullied draws an empath’s attention and compassion. (Absolutely)
9. Others will want to offload their problems on you, even strangers: An empath can become a dumping ground for everyone else’s issues and problems, which, if they’re not careful can end up as their own. (If I open up to more people, this does happen... which might explain why I avoid a lot of eye contact. lol)
10. Constant fatigue: Empaths often get drained of energy, either from energy vampires or just taking on too much from others, which even sleep will not cure. Many get diagnosed with ME. (Hard to say, because I do struggle with low vitamin D... but I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't part of my issue)
11. Addictive personality: Alcohol, drugs, sex, are to name but a few addictions that empaths turn to, to block out the emotions of others. It is a form of self protection in order to hide from someone or something. (I do have an addictive personality)
12. Drawn to healing, holistic therapies and all things metaphysical: Although many empaths would love to heal others they can end up turning away from being healers (even though they have a natural ability for it), after they’ve studied and qualified, because they take on too much from the one they are trying to heal. Especially if they are unaware of their empathy. Anything of a supernatural nature is of interest to empaths and they don’t surprise or get shocked easily. Even at the revelation of what many others would consider unthinkable, for example, empaths would have known the world was round when others believed it was flat. (It sounds weird, but if I put my hands on somebody and think about it, I can feel heat in my hands... I think this counts as energy transfer. Weird.)
13. Creative: From singing, dancing, acting, drawing or writing an empath will have a strong creative streak and a vivid imagination. (Yes.)
14. Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for empaths and pets are an essential part of their life. (Yes.)
15. Need for solitude: An empath will go stir-crazy if they don’t get quiet time. This is even obvious in empathic children. (Yes, especially as a kid; I loved being alone)
16. Gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated: Work, school and home life has to be kept interesting for an empath or they switch off from it and end up daydreaming or doodling. (Not so much; I can switch off and just veg out fairly easily)
17. Finds it impossible to do things they don’t enjoy: As above. Feels like they are living a lie by doing so. To force an empath to do something they dislike through guilt or labelling them as idle will only serve in making them unhappy. It’s for this reason many empaths get labelled as being lazy. (This one makes me go "hmmm")
18. Strives for the truth: This becomes more prevalent when an empath discovers his/her gifts and birthright. Anything untruthful feels plain wrong. (BIG YES!)
19. Always looking for the answers and knowledge: To have unanswered questions can be frustrating for an empath and they will endeavour to find an explanation. If they have a knowing about something they will look for confirmation. The downside to this is an information overload. (I love Google because it helps me find answers)
20. Likes adventure, freedom and travel: Empaths are free spirits. (Yes.)
21. Abhors clutter: It makes an empath feel weighed down and blocks the flow of energy. (So much yes)
22. Loves to daydream: An empath can stare into space for hours, in a world of their own and blissfully happy. (Pretty much!)
23. Finds routine, rules or control, imprisoning: Anything that takes away their freedom is debilitating to an empath even poisoning. (I actually kind of need routine)
24. Prone to carry weight without necessarily overeating: The excess weight is a form of protection to stop the negative incoming energies having as much impact. (I used to overeat but I don't now... and this weight is still here.)
25. Excellent listener: An empath won’t talk about themselves much unless it’s to someone they really trust. They love to learn and know about others and genuinely care. (Yes, yes, yes.)
26. Intolerance to narcissism: Although kind and often very tolerant of others, empaths do not like to be around overly egotistical people, who put themselves first and refuse to consider another’s feelings or points of view other than their own. (Grrrrr!)
27. The ability to feel the days of the week: An empath will get the ‘Friday Feeling’ if they work Fridays or not. They pick up on how the collective are feeling. The first couple of days of a long, bank holiday weekend (Easter for example) can feel, to them, like the world is smiling, calm and relaxed. Sunday evenings, Mondays and Tuesdays, of a working week, have a very heavy feeling. (So weird)
28. Will not choose to buy antiques, vintage or second-hand: Anything that’s been pre-owned carries the energy of the previous owner. An empath will even prefer to have a brand new car or house (if they are in the financial situation to do so) with no residual energy. (Kind of yes, kind of no: I actually like second-hand BECAUSE of the residual energy of the previous owner, excepting houses.... I love the older houses, but not so much the ghosties that might still be in them. No thank you.)
29. Sense the energy of food: Many empaths don’t like to eat meat or poultry because they can feel the vibrations of the animal (especially if the animal suffered), even if they like the taste. (Uh, no. I do like to eat meat!)
30. Can appear moody, shy, aloof, disconnected: Depending on how an empath is feeling will depend on what face they show to the world. They can be prone to mood swings and if they’ve taken on too much negative will appear quiet and unsociable, even miserable. An empath detests having to pretend to be happy when they’re sad, this only adds to their load (makes working in the service industry, when it’s service with a smile, very challenging) and can make them feel like scuttling under a stone. (I had a lot of negative today, which is probably why I snapped. Interesting.)
So who knows? Maybe I am a total loony cuckoo bird and deserve to be locked up. Maybe I need to grow a pair and just speak up about things and not get so upset about confrontation. However, I don't think it's bad to be nice. I don't think it's good to be a pushover, but I think life is hard, and I think the people of this world need to stop hating on each other so much and need to start loving each other more. People at work need to work as a team and stop bitching about each other. People at the store and on the road should try practicing a little common courtesy. Maybe I'm just delusional, or a lost cause. I feel like Paul Rudd's character on "Our Idiot Brother." I guess I am "too nice."
http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html
http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html
