This morning I got up early-ish and took some of Mommy's funeral flowers to the cemetery. Since she is buried in Alton and I am in Kanab, they weren't for her.
I found my nephew Joseph Keith's grave, finally, and shared some with him. He was born when I was four years old, and only lived a few hours. I cleaned some grass clippings off his headstone and had a small chat with him.
I also shared some flowers with Autumn Aziz, an old grade school friend who died our senior year of high school. I also chatted with her for a bit and admired all the decorations around her headstone. I felt it was very appropriate to share with these two, and felt very calm and at peace while visiting with them.
I have pushed many emotions deep inside so I can focus on cleaning out Mommy's house. I know she understands it has to be done, and I don't feel she is still tied to the house at all. I tried on some skirts of hers this morning, and I think she was happy that I could use them. She was always so sensible.
Yesterday my sister's and I read through her diaries from her senior year of high school and first year of college. Oh my word!! Or as she wrote: "Wow!" and "o-o-o-o-o!!" She was as boy crazy as I was, maybe more. We were so caught up in the drama of Tony, Gib, Jack, Gerry, and Roger... I can't wait to type those up for the family to read.
The mourning and healing process is quite strange. I take it as it comes, and take one day at a time. I still don't know what I am going to do without my Mommy, but I am so glad for the peace I feel within myself right now.
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Its lovely that you have her diary to read over, to see what she was doing all those years ago. She told you stories of her growing up I am sure, but some of those stories were not what is in the diary, I am sure.
Take one day at a time, listen to a song that might remind you of her. Do whatever you want to do to get through this. Write, read or just reminisce about her, she is in your heart and you will always have her with you. Stay strong and know that I love you writing about your mam. I never knew her but cant wait for the juicy goss ;)
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